Restless Rant

Part of an e-mail I just sent:

I went to the youth group meeting last night, which went well enough.

Then I went to fellowship group and that was okay I guess. Honestly felt awkward a little bit. I have been extremly restless lately about what God wants me to be doing and to have his church doing. Yes, it's fun to sing praises and I enjoy it, but I am getting bad feelings about white, middle class, Christianity. I mean there are so many good lessons, yet most of the famalies in the church do not know or spend any time with ay unbelievers and I can't for the life of me figure out why. And if they do we do not talk about life, discuss it, instead we rely on heaing stories about others half-way across the world. We have become more concerned with the building and budgets than the lives of those around us who wouldn't dare set foot in a building. I'm trying to figure out the best way to deal with this frustration. I know the answer is to look to God and at my own circumstance. I feel sometimes like I am trapped in a system and I think that is what frustrates. To shake things up would be 'looked down upon', or maybe that's just a perception? Perhaps I'll try and figure it out? I just want to be where those who are hurting are and to help them. There is opportunity in this area and it's pushing me towards looking @ Med School long term. I think part of my frustration stems from the fact that when I questioned going into vocational ministry I was all but dropped as far as discipleship. I'm still reeling from this and don't know whay it has to be that way in the church. I think it's part of the system, which I really dislike. Ahhhhhhhhh, much better :)